Tuesday, October 9, 2012

On my soap-box...

Sometimes, I feel like I have to have it all together.  It's almost like there's this unwritten rule in adoption that you have to always be smiling, always be happy and always be positive.  

Sometimes, I'm not.

Sometimes when people ask me "how's the adoption going?"

I want to burst into tears.

Sometimes, I just want to stay home, literally to avoid answering all questions. 

Sometimes, I just want to rant and rave. 

One thing, one big thing that I've been learning though this adoption journey is how radical the  love Jesus must have been (and be) for Him to have sought me out and waited for me.  To have fought for me. To have done whatever He could to make sure that I'm in His family.

I'll be honest, this past month, last few weeks in particular, the tears have dropped many times.  My poor sweet husband usually gets the brunt of it, and he's awesome at bringing me back down, taking me back to the point and reason we started this journey.  I get on these little pity party rants, woe is me, blah blah blah. I allow myself to think I'm suffering in my situation. But the thing is, I have no idea what it means to suffer.  

I can't imagine what what God goes through (and continues to go through) as He waits for us, fights for us, as He suffered for us. 

It has to be a crazy, radical kind of love. 

"Hero's are made because they are moved.  Not in their head, but in their heart, you have to be moved in such a level that you will shed blood.  Jesus Christ was moved, 'for God so loved the world that he gave'(John 3:16)  And that son that was given suffered."
-Eric Ludy

"Do we care at the level God cares?"

-Eric Ludy

I have no idea what it means to truly suffer, but I am so thankful that God is using this adoption to teach me more about the love He has for His world and for His people.  

And I am challenged to care at the level that God cares for His people and for His world. 

...Stepping off my soapbox now 


Ashley Stinson said...

Love this, Stephanie. Love it, love it, love it. Amazing how refining this experience is and I have barely even scratched the surface. Hang in there, mama. Honored to be walking this with you, sister.

Tonya Garrick said...

There must be something in the weather because I'm feeling the same way! Emotional, grateful, frustrated...everything. I want to tattoo that pin across my face, mostly so I won't forget it myself! (but that would hurt bad!)

Patrick and Sear said...

amen amen amen

Rylie Renee said...

love this!! thank you for being so open and honest.
i love your heart.