On my heart...

For some time now, I have been wrestling with some deep issues, some yucky heart stuff that that's been changing who I am-it hasn't been easy, but it's been good. 

I thought about whether or not to share about what's been happening inside, knowing that being venerable can open up many doors-both bad and good.  It's not my goal to "change" the way others think by reading what I write, it's basically just things that I'm dealing with, and maybe someone else is dealing with them too, and reading this might help them too. 

When we started this journey of adoption, I wasn't who I am now, daily I'm changing, being challenged in many different ways. I felt the call to adopt several years before I even shared it with my husband, I kind of just put it in that "file for later" part of my brain, but it never really left. When we said yes to the call of adoption, there were things that we were presented with that I wasn't really prepared for, and still a lot of the time struggle with.  Knowing that there are 175 million orphaned children in the world alarms me.  That's global, not just Africa, not just China, India Russia or the US, globally, there are 175 million children without mothers and fathers. 175 million children who have no one to speak up for them, to make sure that they're safe, taken care of, warm and fed at night. There are over 1 billion people without access to clean drinking water.  I daily take for granted the accessibility I have to clean water...

There are times I lay awake at night and think about what I can do, I wonder what God's plan are for us, I know somethings in the works, I can feel it in my bones. There are days when I look at our house and think, what are you up to God? We have 3 "extra" bedrooms, we bought our house for a steal of a price knowing that it was way too big for us, but we got it even though several others were bidding on it too,  deep down, I know He's up to something...

God has slowly been changing my heart, towards Him and others.  This adoption journey is far from over, but I am SO thankful for what it's opened my eyes to, because now, it's my responsibility to share with others what I've learned and what I'm learning now. 

Just a glimpse of what's be happening in my heart, it's like a peaceful uneasiness, but I am learning a lot, and being stretched in ways I didn't think possible. It is good. 


I came across the verse below a few years ago, when God was preparing me for the journey we are on, it really stuck with me, and constantly challenges me. 

Rescue the perishing;
   don't hesitate to step in and help.
If you say, "Hey, that's none of my business,"
   will that get you off the hook?
Someone is watching you closely, you know—
   Someone not impressed with weak excuses

Proverbs 24:12, The Message