58, my hopes for 2013

I loved reading other peoples goals, hopes a dreams for the new year.  It's inspiring to see so many want to make changes to their health, lifestyle, families and their spiritual walk.  It makes me so excited for a new year, a fresh start.

Yesterday was our anniversary, 5 years, 5 big ones, half a decade.  I love to just talk and dream about what our next year will hold, Justin on the other hand is quite the realist and when I ask him what he thinks will happen in over the next year his response usually is "whatever God wants to happen." He's the realist,the brake pedal in my gas pedal thinking. haha. But I don't let that stop me and I usually go off on huge tangent of a dream I want to happen.  

This year has been a year where I have been wrecked for Jesus.  He has opened my eyes to a world that desperately needs Him and He has called me to be a voice for those cannot speak up for themselves and to show love to those who might name never experienced it.  He is doing big things my friends, big things in my life and my husbands life and the lives of those around us.  There is so much I want to share, but just not yet ;) 

Our prayer and hope throughout our adoption journey is that God would be made famous in our story, because He is the reason why we're here at this spot.  He is the reason why our eyes were opened and continued to be opened.  This year will be full of adventure, joy, fun and I"m sure some sad times too, but it will all be to make Him famous. 

The other night I had a friend recommend watching the film 58.  It's a documentary about living out Isaiah 58. We watched it and were so inspired to live it our more than ever!

ISAIAH 58

1 “Shout it aloud, do not hold back. Raise your voice like a trumpet. Declare to my people their rebellion and to the house of Jacob their sins. 2 For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near them. 3 ‘Why have we fasted,’ they say, ‘and you have not seen it? Why have we humbled ourselves, and you have not noticed?’

“Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please and exploit all your workers. 4 Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife, and in striking each other with wicked fists. You cannot fast as you do today and expect your voice to be heard on high. 5 Is this the kind of fast I have chosen, only a day for a man to humble himself ? Is it only for bowing one’s head like a reed and for lying on sackcloth and ashes? Is that what you call a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD?

6 “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? 7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter– when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood? 8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard. 9 Then you will call, and the LORD will answer; you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

“If you do away with the yoke of oppression, with the pointing finger and malicious talk, 10 and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry and satisfy the needs of the oppressed, then your light will rise in the darkness, and your night will become like the noonday. 11 The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail. 12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins and will raise up the age-old foundations; you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls, Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath and from doing as you please on my holy day, if you call the Sabbath a delight and the LORD’s holy day honorable, and if you honor it by not going your own way and not doing as you please or speaking idle words, 14 then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.” The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

For my 2013, I want to live this boldly and proclaim it daily! 

Want to check out the documentary 58 yourself, do it!!! 
(this is a teaser, are you pumped to watch it?! Check out their site here
and you can find the documentary on Netfilx and YouTube)

Water for Life

Did you know that over half the worlds population lacks clean drinking water?

Did you know that children walk miles each day just to access muddy, disease infested water, and then they drink it?

Did you know you can do something about it?

When we started this journey to our son, our eyes were opened wide to many different crisis all over the world.  The orphan crisis, the AIDS/HIV crisis, the water crisis, the list goes on and on.  Sometimes the reality of this world can seem overwhelming.  But we all can do something.

Do you have $79? Not $79 a month, just $79? Did you know that just $79 can provide a family with clean water...for life? That's literally less than our water bill.

"Every day over 4,000 children are dying of water-related diseases such as cholera and typhoid that are easily preventable. Many more are suffering sickness, diarrhea and acute stomach pains – illnesses that stop children going to school and growing up into healthy adults." source

Just $79 provides a filtration system for a family.  Not only are these families given water, but they are presented with the gospel thanks to Compassion International.  I would encourage you to check out their site, for $38 a month you can even sponsor a child, we love our Compassion sponsor child, I love seeing a letter in the mailbox from Compassion it brightens my day.

Giving the gift of water really can save a life, and it just $79...

Check it out here

How to be a village, part 1

Recently, we've been getting lots of questions on how people can help us during this waiting phase, what they can pray for, ect.  This is a tough question to tackle because, if you haven't learned by now, adoption is an emotional roller coaster, and those needs can change daily, even hourly during the waiting period.  Jen Hatmaker wrote a great post on "How to Be The Village" for families in the adoption process.  Hatmaker breaks her post up into 2 categories; before and after the airport.  we won't talk about the "after the airport" part today, but I'll share with you what she writes about how to be the village before the airport, during the waiting phase.  It's long, but it's so helpful and she writes it much better than I ever could...

Supporting Families Before the Airport

"Your friends are adopting. They’re in the middle of dossiers and home studies, and most of them are somewhere in the middle of Waiting Purgatory. Please let me explain something about WP: It sucks in every way. Oh sure, we try to make it sound better than it feels by using phrases like “We’re trusting in God’s plan” and “God is refining me” and “Sovereignty trumps my feelings” and crazy bidness like that. But we are crying and aching and getting angry and going bonkers when you’re not watching. It’s hard. It hurts. It feels like an eternity even though you can see that it is not. It is harder for us to see that, because many of us have pictures on our refrigerators of these beautiful darlings stuck in an orphanage somewhere while we’re bogged down in bureaucracy and delays. 

How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:

1. “God’s timing is perfect!” (Could also insert: “This is all God’s plan!” “God is in charge!”) As exactly true as this may be, when you say it to a waiting parent, we want to scratch your eyebrows off and make you eat them with a spoon. Any trite answer that minimizes the struggle is as welcomed as a sack of dirty diapers. You are voicing something we probably already believe while not acknowledging that we are hurting and that somewhere a child is going to bed without a mother again. Please never say this again. Thank you.

2. “Are you going to have your own kids?” (Also in this category: “You’ll probably get pregnant the minute your adoption clears!” “Since this is so hard, why don’t you just try to have your own kids?” “Well, at least you have your own kids.”) The subtle message here is: You can always have legitimate biological kids if this thing tanks. It places adoption in the Back-up Plan Category, where it does not belong for us. When we flew to Ethiopia with our first travel group from our agency, out of 8 couples, we were the only parents with biological kids. The other 7 couples chose adoption first. Several of them were on birth control. Adoption counts as real parenting (Not to mention the couples that grieved through infertility already. So when you say, “Are you going to have your own kids?” to a woman who tried for eight years, then don’t be surprised if she pulls your beating heart out like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.)

3. For those of you in Christian community, it is extremely frustrating to hear: “Don’t give up on God!” or “Don’t lose faith!” It implies that we are one nanosecond away from tossing our entire belief system in the compost pile because we are acting sad or discouraged. It’s condescending and misses the crux of our emotions. I can assure you, at no point in our story did we think about kicking Jesus to the curb, but we still get to cry tears and feel our feelings, folks. Jesus did. And I’m pretty sure he went to heaven when he died. 

4. We’re happy to field your questions about becoming a transracial family or adopting a child of another race, but please don’t use this moment to trot out your bigotry. (Cluelessness is a different thing, and we try to shrug that off. Like when someone asked about our Ethiopian kids, “Will they be black?” Aw, sweet little dum-dum.) The most hurtful thing we heard during our wait was from a black pastor who said, “Whatever you do, don’t change their last name to Hatmaker, because they are NOT Hatmakers. They’ll never be Hatmakers. They are African.” What the??? I wonder if he’d launch the same grenade if we adopted white kids from Russia? If you’d like to know what we’re learning about raising children of another race or ask respectful, legitimate questions, by all means, do so. We care about this and take it seriously, and we realize we will traverse racial landmines with our family. You don’t need to point out that we are adopting black kids and we are, in fact, white. We’ve actually already thought of that.

5. Saying nothing is the opposite bad. I realize with blogs like this one, you can get skittish on how to talk to a crazed adopting Mama without getting under her paper-thin skin or inadvertently offending her. I get it. (We try hard not to act so hypersensitive. Just imagine that we are paper-pregnant with similar hormones surging through our bodies making us cry at Subaru commercials just like the 7-month preggo sitting next to us. And look at all this weight we’ve gained. See?) But acting like we’re not adopting or struggling or waiting or hoping or grieving is not helpful either. If I was pregnant with a baby in my belly, and no one ever asked how I was feeling or how much longer or is his nursery ready or can we plan a shower, I would have to audition new friend candidates immediately. 

Here’s what we would love to hear Before the Airport:

1. Just kind, normal words of encouragement. Not the kind that assume we are one breath away from atheism. Not the kind that attempt to minimize the difficulties and tidy it all up with catchphrases. We don’t actually need for you to fix our wait. We just want you to be our friend and acknowledge that the process is hard and you care about us while we’re hurting. That is GOLD. I was once having lunch with my friend Lynde when AWAA called with more bad news about Ben’s case, and I laid my head down on the table in the middle of Galaxy Café and bawled. Having no idea what to do with such a hot mess, she just cried with me. Thank you for being perfect that day, Lynde. 

2. Your questions are welcomed! We don’t mind telling you about the court system in Ethiopia or the in-country requirements in Nicaragua or the rules of the foster system. We’re glad to talk about adoption, and we’re thankful you care. I assure you we didn’t enter adoption lightly, so sharing details of this HUGE PIECE OF OUR LIVES is cathartic. Plus, we want you to know more because we’re all secretly hoping you’ll adopt later. (This is not true.) (Yes it is.)

3. When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day. 

4. If you can, please become telepathic to determine which days we want to talk about adoption and which days we’d rather you just show up on our doorstep with fresh figs from the Farmer’s Market (thanks, Katie) or kidnap us away in the middle of the day to go see Bridesmaids. Sometimes we need you to make us laugh and remember what it feels like to be carefree for a few hours. If you’re not sure which day we’re having, just pre-buy movie tickets and show up with the figs, and when we answer the door, hold them all up and ask, “Would you like to talk for an hour uninterrupted about waiting for a court date?” We’ll respond to whichever one fits. "

Ok, so I know she may have said some things that may or may not have ruffled your feathers, but there is truth in some things she writes, and there are many things that we can relate too, we also have had (actually more than one person) ask us if our son will be black, bless their hearts.  And while we 100% know and believe God's timing is perfect, sometimes you just want to hear "waiting sucks." Anyway, this is just part 1 of Jen's post, part 2 will come later when we prepare for "after the airport" :)

I like adoption

First, thanks for all your encouragement after my last post, it was a rough day and I'm feeling much better-we all need to be a little raw sometimes you know?

Anyway, ok so there's been this video that's been circulating through facebook land and it's awesome, so awesome that I want to take some time to share it with you and talk a little about it.  It's called "I like adoption" and it's from the campaign "I like...( enter your word here)" which is an awesome campaign, my friend Beth wrote a little blurb about it over on the give1Save1 site the other day about living generously. It's basically a campaign for just that, to live generously.  Get this, so you can sign up for like a 3 day "trial" of living generously and they'll send you an email every day on what you can do to intentionally live generously.  We all know we should be generous, but when you're presented daily with a "task" it makes it a little more fun, you're seeking out those opportunities (which lets be honest we don't all do, but if you do, that's awesome!) It's funny all three day's when my "tasks" came to my inbox I'm like "there's not way that will come up in my everyday life!" And then, it did, usually pretty quickly. I'd tell you about all three days...but I really want you to try it for yourself ;)

Ok, so back to the "I like adoption" part of it.  That's the video where I first hear about "I like..." This video is just so sweet and real, okay so now you have to watch it so I can tell you my favorite parts, so watch it...

Go watch it here! 

(because I can't figure out how to get it on this blog haha)

Ok so I have tons of favorites, I totally cried when the boy started playing the piano. And Justin and I watched it together and totally related to the gas and brake pedal...I'm ALWAYS bringing up new things to Justin. 

But in all reality, when he mentioned that their repair man said their house looks like a united nations meeting, I got goosebumps..because that's what I desire for our family; children from all over the world from all different backgrounds and with different stories. I looked at the family in this video and thought, that's just like a little piece of heaven in their house. 

and that my friends, is why I like adoption...

Absent

I feel like the title of this blog is quite fitting. I've been absent. I'm going to be pretty real and raw-not because I want to sound like a broken complaining record, but because I want to be real, and I want to represent a real picture of what the adoption process can feel like at times, because it's not always fun.

Sometimes, it's really really hard

This past week was an incredibly hard week for me.  I was in a fog, and I could sense darkness.  I wanted to stay inside, and not see or talk to anyone.  I was angry.  There are parts of our adoption journey we're choosing not to share publicly, and that's because while I want people to be as involved as they can, there are some things that we will not share, because just like you won't publically share about the negative (and sometimes gross) parts of a pregnancy we are choosing to keep parts of our journey private.

But that also comes with challenges, like this past week for example.  The reality of adoption kind of hit me like a ton of bricks, the reality of a past.  Our son will have a past, a past that might have happiness, but will have sadness because he will loose (either by death, abandonment, ect) his family.  And there will be sadness, and there will be grief.  I will not be able to take back time spent in orphanages, time possibly spent alone with no one to go to him when he cries.  I wonder if he's sick, if he's getting the medicine that he needs, if he's cold. Things I just cant control.

Then I was reminded, kind of like a ton of bricks slamming in my face, I have no control.  As much as I  try to control what I can, I have no control over our adoption.  None, and it's like God shook that into me this weekend. My friend Becky told me a long time ago (and reminded me this past week ;) ) that I have to give my child over to God long before he's home and trust that God in covering him with protection.  I opened up a little to my friend Wynne, about what I'm going through and she gave me some great ideas, because she's been there, you can read a great post she wrote about waiting here...she suggested I write a letter to God. Easier said than done.  How does one start a letter to God? I literally sat there with absolutely no idea what to write...I mean...it's God...

But I did it, and it was hard, and there were many tears but I felt relief! I knew God already knew what I was going through, but writing it out (and reading it aloud) was so freeing.

I know that I'm feeling that dark that's before the morning.  I know we have to continue to fight for our son, because this is not the first of hard days, there will be many hard days in our life together.

It's important for me to write down these times so that I can remember them, and see how they line up with our adoption journey, because maybe someone else is feeling pain similar to mine, and our stories will meet one day.

Until that day, we will continue to press on and fight the good fight.

"My friends, adoption is redemption. It's costly, exhausting, expensive and outrageous. Buying back lives costs so much.  When Christ set out to redeem us, it killed him"

-Derek Loux

...I wonder what God was feeling while He was waiting for me....

Ring Ring, it's Jesus calling...

The other day I read this in my Jesus Calling Devo (love it, if you don't have it get it, and if you do have it read it) it screamed out to me that day...

"Do not be surprised by the fiery attacks on your mind.  When you struggle to find me and to live in My peace, don't let discouragement set in.  You are engaged in massive warfare, spiritually speaking.   The evil one abhors your closeness to Me, and his demonic underlings are determined to destroy our intimacy.  When you find yourself in the thick of the battle, call upon my name "Jesus, help me!" At that instant, the battle becomes Mine;  your role is simply to trust Me as I fight for you. 

"My name, properly used, has unlimited Power to bless and protect.  At the end of time, every knee will bow (in heaven, on earth, and under the earth) when My name is proclaimed.  People who have used "Jesus" as a shoddy swear word will fall down in terror on that awesome day.  But all those who have drawn near me through trustingly uttering My name will be filled with inexpressible and glorious Joy.  This is your great hope, and you await my return. "

-Jesus Calling

This week, I've definitely felt the need to call upon Him. 

Powerful words. 

Great is Thy Faithfulness

Growing up, I wasn't a huge fan of hymns.  I went to a fairly conservative church in Portland where they *sometimes* used the big organ.  The funny thing is, I really liked the organ with the pipes reaching high up, and the woman who played it always seemed so serious, so I thought playing the organ must have been a super hard job.  I mean goodness, there's several levels of keys so you've really gotta be on it to make sure you don't mess the entire service up. 

Now that I'm a "grown up" I actually have grown to appreciate hymns and the history they have.  One of my favorites as of late is "Great is thy Faithfulness."  My favorite version is this one...(excuse the cheesy graphics...)

If I had to pick a favorite verse it'd be this one

Great is thy faithfulness, great is thy faithfulness

Morning by morning new mercies I see

All I have needed, thy hand hath provided

Great is thy faithfulness, Lord unto me

Why? I don't know, I just really like it

Yesterday, I was in a pretty crappy mood (just being real here) .  My poor husband, it's like I was taken over by a grouchy, whiny brat. 

Then I heard this song on my Pandora this morning, coincidence? I think not, and I was determined to make this a better day. It's funny how God uses things like Pandora to snap me back into line. 

Photo Credit

Is this not so cute?! This would make the perfect Christmas present Justin Nunes ;) 

The Promise

The other day, Justin and I were having a conversation about the advent and the Christmas season that is now upon us.  We were talking about the excitement that was built up to the birth of this child, this Holy child.  The feeling and knowing of a promise that is being fulfilled.  The anticipation that they must have felt knowing what was to come.  Mary had this visible reminder of what is to come, her growing belly.

The excitement of my coming child must be so minimal compared to the excitement of the arrival of the King...but I felt for just a moment the other day what Mary might have felt.  Sure, I don't have a growing belly with a baby inside, but God's hand has been over us this entire journey, and there are many times I am reminded He is in control of this, not me at all. 

I'll be honest, this holiday season has been difficult for me, and it's not something I expected.  Don't get me wrong, I love the holiday season-everything about it.  Bit this year, it's very different.  It's a different season of my life, and I am learning how to walk through it.

We too, are preparing and planning  for  a child.  

A preparation that has taken much more than 9 months. A preparation that began in our heats and began as just an idea many years ago.  

A thought that quickly grew as facts were presented, and is continuing to grow as we are continuing to learn and our eyes and continuing to open wider and wider.  

A preparation that involves books, seminars, webinars.

 Information out the wazoo!

 But now...we wait.

With an anticipation that is hard to explain. 

 Because I know (not just a feeling) I know that the child that we're waiting for will do great things...

My friend Becky shared this song with me a while back, it's made things easier knowing that one day he'll be home...the child we've anticipated...

Thankful: Unlikely circumstances for good

My friend Sear suggested that I jump on the blog challenge of blogging everyday for the month of December.  Let me tell you, my finding something everyday to be thankful about? That's tough, which seems so dumb to me because I have SO much to be thankful for, but when you're searching for it...it's kinda hard.  But it has been SOOOOO good. My day is so different when I approach it with thankfulness.  Especially for me since I've chosen to document my thankfulness with a picture, it seems to be even harder because somethings just can't be photographed to justify how thankful I am for them.  

So, here I am jumping on the blog train and trying to blog every day in December, here's my post from yesterday, nothing all that exciting and I don't have anything from December 1st, cut me some slack. But I do have todays and I plan on having one post a day from today on out... I'm not sure what each post will look like. 

I'll just jump in with a little TMI....I've had an awful cold type thing the past few days...Like, you know that NyQuil commercial where they show the people sleeping all weird and snoring and stuffing tissues up there nose (I told you TMI) that's my life.  Literally I feel like a little kid where "one side" of my nose works and the other doesn't.  BUT I'm thankful for a weekend to rest and for a husband who takes care of me and brings me tissues. 

As I was lying on the couch in all pathetic glory, I read this in my daily devotional...

"As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth.  His disciples asked him, "rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" 

"Neither the man nor his parents sinned" said Jesus "but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him."

-John 9:1-3

So that the works of God might be displayed in him....

God will use whatever situation, person or whatever He wants to bring HIM glory. Whether that be an illness, a missing limb, a terrible circumstance whatever you can think of I firmly believe that He will use as a testimony in one's life..(maybe even a cold ;) )

That's what I'm thankful for today

Currently...

Currently, I am...

Loving  this lazy weekend

Hating head colds. I hate them, BUT it's forcing me to slow down

Rejoicing over breaks in the rain

Waiting on my chicken coop to dry out, poor chickens are sinking in the sand...

Hoping in the future

Thinking about this upcoming holiday season...

Reading Running for My Life

Organizing my life...but starting with the file cabinet...

Crying because this morning I broke the garbage disposal...

Thankful because my hubs fixed it.

Praying for continued movement...

What are you doing today??